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|DJ Dan - Shutting Down the Man|
Released on June 21st, 2006, this was the sixth DJ Dan podcast released. The podcast was found on the Let Your Compass Guide You website. His guest was Chris from Kansas City, and the discussion was on Life Extension, and the possibility of Alvar Hanso being Joop the orangutan.
Announcer: Coming to you live, from the part of your craw where it all sticks. You're listening to DJ Dan, shutting down the man.
DJ Dan: Life extension: You know what that is? It's dumping hormones, and drugs and cocktails and vitamins into your body in the sad hope you'll squeeze out an extra ten or twenty years.
Tonya: Good morning to you too DJ Dan.
DJ Dan: Yep, Tonya, what's a meaningful life?
Tonya: Uhh, one where you meet the entire living cast of Gunsmoke?
DJ Dan: Tonya is just obsessed with TV Westerns, and while her response was glib, she actually makes a good point. If you fulfill your hopes and desires, make an impact on the world, if you do these things and you have some fun in the process, have you not lived a good life?
Tonya: I'd say.
DJ Dan: So, would you agree that Ghandi lived a good life, Martin Luther King, Jimi Hendrix, Lou Gehrig, Jesus of Nazareth?
Tonya: That list only included men.
DJ Dan: Fine, fine, fine. Mama Cass. Happy?
Tonya: Most of those people lived unnaturally short lives, DJ Dan.
DJ Dan: And yet they changed the world! They didn't wait around. They didn't buy into the lies of the man, selling you on his pipe dreams. Thats right, Chris from Kansas City what do you think?
Chris: Hi, now look DJ Dan, I believe in life extension, okay?
DJ Dan: Tell me Chris are you enrolled in a uhh, life extension program?
Chris: Yes, I am. It's manufactured by this local company called Flower Life Enterprises.
DJ Dan: Local you say? Try local by way of Denmark, Chris?
DJ Dan: I don't want to alarm you son, but you are in the grips of the big baddies.
Chris: Yeah, but I'm telling you, I feel great!
DJ Dan: And I'm telling you that Flower Life Enterprises is a subsidiary of none other than THE HANSO FOUNDATION!!, I figure I harp on these guys enough I might have a button.
Chris: Hehh, who's the Hanso Foundation?
DJ Dan: Who's The Hanso Foundation? Shutdown! Sorry Chris, Had to do it. I feel something coming on, It's taking me over, It's making me do this--
Tonya: Oh, here it comes again.
DJ Dan: It's a vast conspiracy, Tonya, of the medical community, the pharmaceutical companies, the wellness groups, and these pseudo-science quacks with their miracle formulas, like the Hanso Foundation. They keep saying they will extend your life. It's a vast conspiracy to take your money, and lure you into a sense that you have all the time in world, they're singing a lullaby Tonya, and the fight is going out of the world. Now to answer Chris's question, The Hanso Foundation is "numero uno" on my hit-list, and why? Because they lie, because they're shrouded in secrecy, because their founder Alvar Hanso, arms dealer turned peace-flag-waving-pseudo-scientist liar in chief. Hanso himself has been undergoing according to one of my conspiracy sources, life extension treatments that have rendered him a "monkey-man" a "freak-show", unfit for contact with the public. Why do you think no one has seen this guy in years? Because he's swinging through the trees on some mountain in the Netherlands. Now we've all seen their website and we've seen out hack artist Persephone's good work. The Hanso Foundation's got this crazy old orangutans called Joop. Yeah, it's supposed to appeal to the kids. But if you click on him he just goes freaking baddy!! Now call me crazy, but I'm willing to put money into the fact that this Joop is none other than Alvar Hanso himself. And I'm afraid Tonya, I'm afraid that any day our poor friend Chris is going to look just like him. Conspiraspies, let me know. Have I gone too far? Has DJ Dan finally cracked up or could it be that I'm on to something. Your theories, your rants, your raves when we come back.
Announcer: You're listening to DJ Dan, shutting down the man.