Day One - Can't control hand from shaking - plane crashed! All that life flashing before eyes stuff - NOT TRUE. Don't know what happened. Remember sucking wind and noise - deafening noise. Head still ringing. Not a believer in God, but I prayed. Amazingly still in one piece - couple of scrapes and bruises. Found this notebook and decided to write - don't know what else to do. Where are we? Just mountains and water - everywhere i was so scared i didt know what to do.i started crying as i saw all these people dieig i tryed to help as many people as i could...
Night One - Getting dark now - never saw so many stars Campfires scattered along the beach - ours is the biggest Something smells - burnt bodies? I'm sick to my stomach - can't eat plane meals the fat guy's been handing out. Where is the Coast Guard? Why aren't they here yet? Tried my cell phone - no connection. Parents are probably worried sick Gotta stop writing. So tired
Day Two - Nice man in checkered shirt offered me an orange for breakfast - still can't eat. We're all wondering what the hell that noise was last night. Some off to look for cockpit - not me. Something scary out there.
Pen is running out of ink. TYPICAL LUCK. More later...
Day Two - Cont. - Borrowed pen from poor preggo lady. Huddled under a raft when it started to POUR - still got soaked. Drying in the sun now. Walked down the beach. Saw some good waves Big fight on beach when I returned - tempers starting to flare. Finally ate something - sea urchin - SUSHI! Still hungry. Transceiver found, but not working. Some hiking to higher ground - I hate hiking. No survivors in the cockpit. They probably think we're dead too...
Night Two - Played Backgammon with Walt today - good kid. Boredom has set in and I'm officially burnt. It always hurts more once the sun goes down.
Day Three - There is a doctor on the island. He's with some guy in bad shape - has a piece of metal from plane sticking own out of his side. Went over there to see if Dr. had any sun block - no luck. By the look of shrapnel guy, I guess things could be worse.
Night Three - Found my check on bag today!!! All clothes, no toiletries. So, now I have a bathing suit, still no sign of surfboard. Always fantasized about being stranded on an island and it's really not so bad... worse part is hunger. And of course, looking at perfect peeling lefts and not having my board. Thinking of my family and friends tonight. I miss them...
Day Four - No signal out, which means no call for help. They asked for electronics to boost it, so I gave up my cell phone - it's of no use to me anymore. We're rationing food and setting up tarps to collect rainwater - should have plenty 'cause it started to pour again today - out of nowhere, just torrential. I set up a makeshift shelter against a tree. It's home... for now.
Night Four - The shrapnel guy is driving us all nuts with his screaming - poor guy. Why hasn't anyone come to rescue us... I haven't seen one plane pass overhead. It doesn't make any sense.
Day Five - Heard a gunshot last night. Who the hell has a gun!? Walt found his dog today - I miss my dog. Took a nap in the shade, white fine sand - feels good except for the twisting pangs of hunger in my stomach. Quit smoking last year, but who the hell cares now - bummed one from this guy named Sawyer. The nicotine satisfied the hunger.
Night Five - Dog woke me up and now I can't fall back to sleep. Some commotion by the fuselage, but I'm too tired to find out what's going on. Sleeping in the cool sand and the breeze is keeping the bugs away. Now if that dog would just stop barking...
Day Six - We've been asked to gather firewood. Wild boars were in the fuselage last night and we have to burn the bodies that are inside. Claire, the pregnant lady who loaned me her pen, is going to hold some sort of memorial. There was another fight today - figures it was Sawyer. Only this time he got into it with the fat guy over peanuts - literally! I have a few extra packages but I'm not sharing them. Is that selfish? The guy in the checkered shirt is going hunting for boar - never had boar meat, but I'm hungry enough to try almost anything.
Day Six (cont) - Put on my suit and walked down to the beach for a swim - the water is really beautiful here. The fat guy was down there with a friend trying to spear a fish - what a riot that was - first time I laughed since we crashed! I'm back on the beach now, trying to turn an earring into a fishhook. If I can find something to use for line, I'll be in business...
Night Six - We read the names of the dead tonight - one of them was sitting next to me. Surreal - feels like a dream. I can't believe this is happening. And still can't believe rescue hasn't come. The signal fire has been burning for days...
Day Seven - Joanna drowned today. She's someone I went diving with in Australia and she ended up on my plane. She even switched seats so we could sit together and talk about the trip. she was travelling the coast diving the Great Barrier Reef. It just doest make sense, she was smarter than that - she .... knew about the rip tides and how to swim parallel to the beach.
... To make matters worse, someone stole all of the remaining water. I know there's a way to turn salt water into fresh water, I just don't remember how. I asked Sawyer for more smokes, which he hasn't returned with yet. Back to the lovely addiction.
Night Seven - They found the guy who stole the water, but it's still not enough. The doctor says he found a new source inland. I'll go fill some bottles, but I'm staying right here on the beach, in case a plane flies over. I met this guy named Charlie tonight - used to be in a band called Drive Shaft - I have one of their cd's . He's got a tattoo that says, "Living is Easy with Eyes Closed." Obviously a Beatles fan. After this experience, my eyes are wide open?
Day Eight - I just realized something - I've got 6000 dollar credit card bill. Good luck tracking me down for those payments! Still, I'd pay double that to get off this island. Things are starting to get dodgy; there was a huge fight today between Michael and the Korean guy. If Sayid and Sawyer hadn't pulled him off, I think he would have drowned Michael. What a psycho - I feel sorry for his wife, she seems so nice. We need to get out of here.
Night Eight - There's a big debate about where to set up camp. Hurley told me that he, Charlie, Locke, and some of the others are moving to the source of the fresh water - Jack says there is shelter there. I don't care if there's a four star hotel, I'm not going in that jungle! How many times do I have to tell these guys, when the rescue planes fly over I don't want to miss my chance to signal them. I've got my little mirror all ready. Kate isn't going either. I trust her.
Day Nine - I don't feel very good. .... I've been nauseous for two days. I saw Jack today when he was picking up some supplies to take back to the new shelter - he told me to try and stay out of the sun. What does he want me to do, move to Seattle? I was going to move my stuff into the infirmary because it has a cover over it, but Sawyer got their first. That guy is really starting to get on my nerves - he won't give me anymore cigarettes. Not for free anyway... Pig.
I think Sayid is up to something. I saw him talking to Kate and Boone and he was holding this long pole with some sort of electronic thing on the end. Then he and Kate took off into the jungle. Strange.
Day Nine (Cont.) - Jack is dead! Charlie just came running on to the beach, all covered in dirt. He said there was a cave-in at the new shelter and that Jack was buried alive. Michael and a few of the others went to go see if they could help, but it sounds like it's too late. .... And where is Kate - does she even know? What the hell are we going to do now? What if someone gets hurt? Oh my God, what is Claire going to do?
Day Ten - I went to the caves yesterday to see about Jack - it was pretty crazy Scott told me before I got there. Michael was able to dig a small tunnel all the way through to where Jack was. Charlie crawled through it to help him, but only to have the entire thing cave in again! People were freaking out, especially Kate, and trying to dig them out, but there was no chance - WAY too much dirt and rocks. And then, just when we about to give up, they both came walking out of the jungle...ALIVE! It was Incredible. I was caught by surprise at how relieved I was to see them. I mean, I've only known these people for for ten days, and when they came walking towards me, I almost cried with relief. It makes me think that we all have a real chance at making it through this together. Maybe...
Day Ten Cont. - Sawyer got stabbed! I don't know who did it but, I think it was Jack. I saw them getting into it over by the old infirmary tent - if Kate hadn't walked up at the last minute, I think they would have brawled.
Larry hit on me again today. He actually told me he wanted to "ask me out". Uh, out where exactly? I mean what's he going to do, take me skating? Honestly, there is NO WAY I'd go out with him - I was hoping he'd figure it out but the guy obviously can't take a hint.
Day 13 - I think I saw a whale this morning. I couldn't sleep again, so i went for a swim -- the water was so glassy it looked like you could have run across it for miles if only you were fast enough. I really like the time i get to myself early in the morning before any of the others are awake -- very peaceful and calm. So there I was, floating in the ocean when I heard a sound like a steam vent blowing behind me. I turned around and saw this really huge shape going back under the surface. Scared the hell out of me, actually, but it was so cool!
Day 14 - Boone came to the beach earlier to tell us all that Jack and Charlie and a few others were all playing golf. I thought he'd been in the sun too long (he seems a little soft to me), but I didn't have anything better to do, so I followed the crowd as he led us into the jungle. Sure enough, there the were: Michael, Charlie, and Jack in the middle of what Hurley called the "Island Open." I don't know how he did it , but Hurley managed to build a 2-hole golf course! It was incredible, people were actually laughing.
Day 14 (cont.) - I had forgotten what laughter sounded like. Everyone got really into it, even betting on the action -- I won an extra helping of boar meat off Larry when Jack made his putt -- what a sucker! People are already lined up to play tomorrow. I never was any good at that game. But I suppose now I've got the time to practice...
Day 15 - After our golf game yesterday, I decided to hang out at the caves for a while and enjoy my extra serving of boar meat. We were all having a good time, sitting around the campfire. Sawyer even broke out a couple of bottles of airplane booze and cigarettes. Larry was off behind the fire staring at us. The guy really creeps me out. So When everyone else headed back to the beach, I decided to camp out at the caves. It was pretty comfortable until Claire woke up screaming. I guess she was having some sort of a nightmare. My sister had the craziest dreams when she was pregnant. Anyway, after that, I couldn't fall back to sleep, so I hiked back down here to the beach where I found Sawyer cozied up with that chick Kate. Should've walked back with him when I had the chance.
Night 16 - Hurley is out taking names and info from all of us because someone attacked Claire - and apparently this time it wasn't a nightmare. I don't know what good it's gonna do having a list of our names, but at least maybe we'll all feel safer- ha! It's scary to think, but we really don't know who we're stuck on this island with. Someone could be a pedophile or a drug addict. For all I know, Larry could be a rapist - if his name even is Larry. Gonna have to be a little more careful?
Day 17 - My God, we've been sitting here on this island for over two weeks, sleeping next to people who could be capable of anything! And I'm never going to turn my back on Larry again. People aren't always what they seem, if anyone knows that by now, it's me. I suppose after surviving the crash I just assumed it couldn't possibly get any worse here. I'm sure most of us did. We were wrong?
I wasn't prepared for what happened this morning. I got to the caves to find all hell breaking loose. Before I could ask what was going on, I saw Sayid on the
Day 17 (cont.) - ground - he didn't look good at all, but that was nothing compared to the panic going through the camp about Claire (the pregnant lady) and Charlie- They've been kidnapped! Everybody is pointing the finger at this creepy guy named Ethan, but nobody really knows what the hell is going on. I spent most of the day looking for them with Michael and a few of the others, but we didn't have any luck. I knew there was something wrong with this group and now I have to worry about what some sicko is doing to Claire. God, it's like the night- mare is starting all over again! You can't tell me that I survived that week in Louisiana to be thrown back into this again. I told myself every single day in the hospital that all I had to do was stay alive. Just survive and make it to the trial. And the rest of my life would be perfect - that's what this trip was supposed to be about!
I'll tell you one thing: I'm not going to be a victim. Not again? No way! From here on out, I'm taking care of myself. And if anyone else tries to pull anything, I'm going to be ready for them.
Day 22 - There is something seriously wrong with this island. I was woken up this morning by the sound of waves crashing on the shore - big ones, at least 10 feet. I've spent enough years in the water to know how the tides work and never, ever have I seen the tide come up this far, this quickly. Maybe it has something to do with being close to the equator, but it was as if someone flicked a switch and turned on the waves. The water is rising fast - too fast! The shelters we've fashioned were being swept away and everyone was in a panic to rescue as much as possible before it was too late. I had to make sure I saved my dive bag, (can you imagine if that washed up somewhere for somebody to open???) and saw that Larry had it in his hand! I got right in his face, and told him to give it back right now. He laid some story on about how he was just trying to help make sure I didn't lose anything - does he think I was born yesterday?
Day 22 (Cont.) - I never thought it was possible, but the plane wreckage is actually being carried away from the beach! It's as if the sea is taking what it was owed. I didn't think I would miss that horrible hunk of twisted metal, but, losing it makes me feel like we've said goodbye to the real world. Maybe forever. We're moving to a new camp further up the beach and out of reach of the waves (at least for now). Everybody seems to be comfortable there, but not me. Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it. So I've decided to stop trying to deny it... and start to get ready. Each morning I'm swimming a little farther and in the afternoons I run up hill to the golf course. Getting stronger - every day. And when I feel like quitting, all I have to do is remember the consequences of not being prepared. I'm eating as much as I can, trading anything and everything for a little extra meat. Need the protein. Need to keep pushing.
Day 23 - I feel awful today. I need more to eat - the fruit and small amount of fish I've been getting just isn't enough. What happened to the boar? I only started training again a few days ago, but I am already exhausted. Swimming is still easy for me, but my legs burn like fire every time I run up that hill. I have to stop and lay down for a while up at the top because I'm too spent to walk back down again. Yesterday I fell asleep at the top of the hill and when I woke up, it was pitch black. I was just laying there looking at the stars, feeling safe for the first time in a long time when something strange happened. I could have sworn I heard whispering all around me. I didn't have my dive bag with me, so I felt even more vulnerable. But let me tell you, the pain in my legs went away in about one second and I was ready to fight. But there was nobody there. I didn't like that feeling at all and I think I make it back to the beach in about 5 minutes flat! I can't let my guard down like that. Ever. Not here...
Day 24 - I was out running again today when I came across Locke and Boone in the woods. They were with Walt, teaching him to throw a knife at a tree. How crazy is that? Who lets a ten year old play with knives? And I thought those guys were supposed to be hunting? Is this some sort of target practice?
When I returned to the beach, Sawyer told me that Michael decided to build a raft. Didn't he see 'Castaway'? Looks may be deceiving, but the waves breaking on the outer reef have been over ten feet since we got here. I've offered to help look for a better place to launch while I'm out running. Maybe on the leeward side. Thing is, we have no idea how big this island is...
Day 25 - Claire is back! - shaken up, but still alive. And to everyone's relief, Jack says the baby seems fine, but what's strange is that she doesn't remember anything that happened to her. No recollection of the last eight days! And she doesn't remember any of us - not even Charlie. The entire camp is starting realize the danger that surrounds us, we posted guards around our perimeter during the night, but I'm not relying on anyone else to protect me. I'm spending the night next to the biggest fire I can find with my dive bag at my side.
Day 26 - Out running on the beach this morning, scoping potential places to launch the raft, so my attention was on the shoreline, not the tree line. You know that feeling you get when you just know someone is behind you? Well, I had it - bad. But when I turned around, there was nobody there. I picked up the pace and moved closer to the water. A few hundred yards later, I felt it again, so I whipped around, fists ready. And this time, I swear I saw someone in the distance. I moved toward them, but they disappeared into the fog. Weird. Someone or something was following me - I know it. But that's not the worst of it. As I backed up,
Day 26 (Cont) - scanning the area, I tripped over something and fell hard to the sand... and that's when I saw him -- Scott from camp was laying there all twisted and bloody. And it was no accident - every major bone in the guy's body was broken.
That could have been me! We have to get off this island...
Day 27 - Charlie shot Ethan! A bunch of people went out into the jungle armed with guns - where are all these guns coming from!? - and, using Claire as bait, brought Ethan to them. Apparently, they all agreed to catch him and keep him alive, but Charlie had other ideas. He fired without asking questions. Some people are angry, even afraid of Charlie, but I'm the last person to pass judgment about something like that. I mean, Ethan kidnapped Claire, strung him up by his neck and left him to die. What did they expect him to do? I bet Ethan killed Scott, too. What a psycho! Maybe now we can all rest a little easier.
The good news is that the boars are back! In fact, one attacked Sawyer's tent last night - serves him right. That guy can be such a jerk. I don't know why Kate hangs around him so much. Anyway, now we'll finally get some meat - I'm so sick of fruit and fish...
Day 30 - That Korean guy starting screaming at his wife again - just for wearing a bikini. What a jerk! It's like a thousand degrees here. Michael saw what was happening and got up in his face - those two really hate each other. With this heat, I suppose we should expect tempers to flare...
Day 31 - Someone set the raft on fire last night, creating a pretty huge blaze. All that work, gone to waste! People are pointing the finger at the Korean guy, who took off into the woods. But I saw that little kid Walt playing with matches yesterday.
#1, what the hell is the kid doing with matches? Those are a valuable commodity on this island. And #2, why would anyone burn down our only hope of getting out of this Godforsaken place?
Day 32 - The surprises just keep on coming! Sawyer found the Korean guy out in the woods and brought him back to camp to face the music. It took about three seconds for Michael to jump him and I think he would've kicked the crap out of him this time if his wife hadn't spoke up and screamed for him to stop - IN ENGLISH! Why on earth didn't she speak up before!? I wonder if she heard me talking trash about her husband? I wonder if she even cares? At least now I know his name is Jin!
Day 33 - Went swimming this morning - always makes me really hungry. Still no meat. What happened to that boar that attacked Sawyer's tent the other night? I really don't know what the heck Locke and Boone are doing out there all day, but I think I'm going to follow them tomorrow and find out for myself...
Day 34 - I knew it! I knew they weren't really out trying to hunt for boar...
This morning I got up and headed down to the beach for my swim like always -- only this time I didn't go in the water. I walked down the beach a ways and then hurried back into the bush to hide and watch the camp. Just before the sun came up Locke and Boone set off on to go hunting... and I followed them.
They walked for a long time, way over an hour into parts of the island I haven't yet explored. And just when I thought they might actually be trying to locate food they arrived at their destination.
I don't know what else to say except that there was this huge... "thing" made of metal and surrounded by what looked like concrete. I couldn't get close enough to see exactly what it was, but one thing is definitely clear. Whatever it is -- It's man-made. And Locke and Boone are keeping it a secret. I don’t know what they would do if they knew I had followed them, but I going to make damn
Day 34 (cont.) - sure they don't. And I don't ever go anywhere without my dive bag anymore -- ever.
What the hell is going on here and why is everyone keeping secrets. All I want is to get off this damn island and if whatever is in the jungle can help with that, Locke and Boone have no right to keep it to themselves! Who do they think they are, anyway? God, I'm so confused! I just want to go home...
Day 36 - I think they must have found something out there. Yesterday, when I was following them it looked like he and Boone were arguing - - probably about something to do with that thing way out in the jungle. And then today, I heard that Boone had suffered some sort of an accident. Yeah, I know how dangerous "accidents" can be. And so does a certain someone who lives back in Louisiana. Or who used to anyway...
I wanted to see for myself, so I got over to the caves as fast as I could, but the situation over there was total chaos. Hurley told me Jack needed room to work and not to
Day 36 (continued) - crowd them. Still, I got a good enough look inside the makeshift O.R. Jack put up to see Boone - - and it sure wasn't pretty. And in the middle of all this I heard Charlie ranting about Claire having her baby, right now! I didn't know what to do, so I just ran back to the beach and found a quiet place to write all this down. I opened my dive bag and made sure my kit was ready. Something about the cold steel in my hands makes me feel better.
I'm not sure, but people are saying Boone could die tonight. And get a load of this... nobody seems to know where Locke is. But I've got a pretty good idea. And I think I'm going to find out what he's up to.
Day 38 - Where are we?
Two nights ago, after all the insanity with Boone I grabbed my kit from my dive bag, strapped it on my belt and set off to try and find Locke. I just knew he would be at that thing way out in the jungle, and sure enough, when I arrived as the day was turning to night, there he was! It's a hatch. I know that sounds crazy (why do people always
Day 38 (continued) - think I'm crazy!), but that's what it is. A hatch out in the middle of the jungle on a deserted island! Locke was kneeling on top of it and his shirt was covered in blood but I don't think it was his because there was so much -- he'd be dead by now if it were. But he didn't look good. He was on his knees, crying and pounding on it and staring into what looked like a little window. And then a light went on... from inside the window on the hatch! I gasped -- I couldn't help myself -- and I thought that Locke must have heard me, but he didn't even turn his head in my direction.
If a light went on from inside this hatch then something or someone must have switched it on! Why haven't they come to help us!! I'm beginning to feel like we're all part of some horrible experiment. People are dying out here! I only know one thing for certain:
I'm not going to be one of them...
Day 42 - Someone poisoned Michael, which means someone is pretty damn desperate to stop the raft from launching and I think I know who. Is he crazy? That's probably our best chance of rescue at this point. I've been talking with Sawyer, trying like hell to bargain my way on the raft, but that guy is one tough negotiator. I offered everything. Everything. He says he's going to talk to Michael for me, but we all know Sawyer doesn't care about anybody but himself. And my chances don't look good -- there isn't even any room for Walt's dog.
I've gotta get the hell out of here...
Day 43 - That crazy French lady showed up at our camp tonight. She's really off her rocker! She said that her ship ran aground on the island 16 years ago. She was pregnant and everyone with her got sick and died, so she had to deliver the baby on her own! One night she spotted black smoke on the horizon -- then some people came and took her baby. And now she says those same people are coming for us.
Day 43 (continued) - Personally, I wouldn't have listened to word out of her mouth, had I not seen the dark smoke myself (or that hatch). Now everyone is starting to panic.
IF her story is true, then who the hell are these other people? And why are we running? If they pose some sort of threat, there are enough of us to face off with them. And if not, maybe they can tell us something about this place. Maybe even how to get out of here...
Jack, Kate, Locke and Hurley are going out into the jungle. They say they have some kind of plan -- they're going to get "supplies". In the meantime, we're supposed to get the raft up and running again -- it fell off the launch rails earlier and the rudder broke.
Charlie is collecting messages to put in a bottle that the raft group will take with them. I wish I could shove this whole journal in there, but I just ripped out a page with my name, city and state on it - just in case:
Hermosa Beach, CA
Day 43 - The raft finally set off. It was weird - emotional on so many levels. I wanted go be on it so badly, but at the same time I was scared to death of it. And now I'm afraid for them - afraid they’ll fail...
Everyone else is moving to the caves, in preparation for some sort of attack, but I'm gonna wait right here for these other people. Or the rescue boat -- whichever comes first. I'm through running.
A few other people are going to stay here too. And of course there's Larry -- I can't seem to get rid of that guy! Something goes wrong, I've got my dive bag by my side. And I'm ready to use what's inside.
Night 43 - Okay - I'm starting to wish that I went to the caves with everyone else. Apparently Rousseau took Claire’s baby. I knew it. There are no other people coming for us! She's just a complete nutter. Charlie and Sayid went after her. But what the hell is out there? The black smoke has turned to an orange glow. Must be pretty big group of people -
Night 43 (cont.) - maybe the same people that are in that hatch? Or maybe another group of survivors from our plane???
There are only a few of us here on the beach, huddled around this puny fire. Larry is sound asleep, snoring - better that than bugging me all night. I'm feeling really alone - a little frightened I guess. The three other people with us are friends, but I never really met them before today. Two guys and another woman - all from Australia.
What was that! A bright fiery flash - then a loud bang. The ground is shaking -- like an earthquake rumbling. And the wind is howling - enough that our fire went out. And now I can't really see. Why is she screaming? Someone behind me? I can't find my bag
Page 1 -hahaha. Found this journal down at the beach. It was half buried in the sand and I thought that someone would probably want it back, but I can't figure out who it belongs to. After reading it, I must say, I'm intrigued - - Who the hell is this person? What exactly happened to her in Louisiana? It makes me uncomfortable knowing that I am forced to share this island with someone so…unsteady. Still, there’s something about her strange blend of confidence and paranoia I find very interesting.
Read through this journal - again I still can't get over what kind of people make up this group - turning on each other, keeping secrets, resorting to torture, even murder. I knew it was happening, but when you see it in print, it's almost unbelievable. This small microcosm of society certainly brings out the worst in people.
Page 2 - Fascinating there's a hatch somewhere a few hours hike from the camp. A hatch, buried right there in the ground! Word of its existence has spread like wildfire since Jack returned and all sorts of stories are being passed about what's inside - food, weapons, music?! Even heard someone say something about a washing machine - now that can't be true. How did they find it? And how long has it been there? My pulse is racing just thinking about it...
What a feast! Hurley handed out a bunch of food from the hatch tonight. Some odd items, but tasty none the less. I've never been this full. Some of it was so unfamiliar that my stomach is turning now. I'll probably regret this tomorrow...
What is it about human nature that causes people to put so much value on their possessions? Sun lost her wedding ring today and she's very upset about it. Is it the value of the item or all that it represents? When are they going to learn to let go? None of it matters here.
Page 3 - No matter what I hear or see, I will always be amazed at how quickly people revert to a comfort level. We are on an island in the middle of nowhere and yet, despite everything that has occurred, life among the castaways is beginning to find its way back to…NORMAL. People are doing laundry -- LAUNDRY! And all around them danger lures on a level that most of them are completely unprepared for. Whether this occurs in spite of or because of the stress that danger creates remains to be seen. I suppose I'll just have to wait and see.
More people have arrived. I was on the beach tending to the shelters with the rest of the others (Hah!) when we heard a commotion several meters away. I turned to see a crowd gathering and when I asked the woman next to me about it, she told me that there were more survivors of the plane crash! There were a handful of them, no more than four or five, and they arrived with the Korean man, "Jin" apparently Michael and Sawyer have returned as well, which is an enormous relief. With any luck no one else will be foolish enough to try something as dangerous as a raft again.
Page 4 - I get my first look at the hatch this afternoon Locke has created a work list for us all to go and "Push the button" though I'm still not certain exactly what that means. My emotions are unclear about this. I must admit I'm fascinated to see what is inside, but frightened at the same time. We've worked so hard to make a life here, and now I fear that the reintroduction of civilization will only lead us down that same dark path
I noticed that Claire has a statue in her possession I wasn't close enough to make out what it is, but it looks like a religious icon of some sort. Again, I find myself wondering why human nature leads people to place importance on items? Especially to assign mystical or spiritual value to them. I look at the beauty all around us and that's enough for me...
Something's going on today. Not sure exactly what it is, but there seems to be a great deal of tension amidst the major players. I cannot be certain but I have a feeling that some sort of…plan is in the works. I overheard some chatter
Page 5 - about Michael possibly going after Walt -- I hope that isn't true. I've seen too many people killed already. Still, whatever this plan entails -- it can't be good for any of us.
No matter what the species or the environment in which one lives, there seems to be no measure of the lengths to which one will go to protect a child, We of course are taught to understand the vital importance of children. Without them, we as a people could not go on. But after seeing what happened between Charlie and Claire -- all for the "good" of the child -- I'm beginning to understand that this connection is something that goes far beyond what I have known. I wonder why it seems to wane as the child grows?
How many lessons do people require in order to learn? How many lives need to be put in jeopardy? It's becoming clear that war is coming ever closer. These people need to
Page 6 - understand that we are not going anywhere, although they seem a primitive people, it won't be easy. But if we wish to live in peace on this island ever again, we're left with but a single solution: eliminate those that wish to do us harm, all of them.
Things are progressing slowly, thankfully. Perhaps there will be time enough for people to realize there is no way to win in this conflict. That nothing can come to them but their own destruction. I wonder how many of them truly understand what it takes to kill. How many are honestly prepared to do what they have to in order to survive this. And for what? Why can't people simply learn to let each other live in peace?
Page 7 - Something must be done. I’ve just learned that my brother is being held in the hatch as a suspected “Other,” And from what I’ve heard, his treatment has been less than…humane. Who do these people think they are? Judge and jury? What gives them the right? This is not their court. This is not their Island. Something must be done...
I confronted Locke today and demanded to be let into the armoury to see my brother. But all Locke continues to do is deny his very existence. I can tell by the way he looks at me that's he's lying and I am going to find out the truth.
This is some sort of conspiracy! Now Jack and Sayid are lying to me too. They continue to deny that they are holding my brother in that hatch. And I could see the bruises on Sayid's fists. I'm going down there. Who's to stop me?
Page 8 - I was headed for the hatch when I came across Charlie and Eko building in the jungle. And I'm more confused now than ever. Charlie insists that my brother is not in the armoury...and Charlie is the one person on this island that thought I could trust, especially after the way he tried to protect Claire and the baby.
He and Eko invited me to stay and help them work on this church they are constructing. But I have to find out the truth, I feel as though I'm losing my mind...
They're all talking about me -- they don't think I can hear them, but I can! People are saying I'm crazy! I'm crazy? Me? Hah! All I know is that I don't intend to spend the rest of my life on this godforsaken rock without my brother. And if that makes me "crazy" so be it. But I just can't go on in this place without somebody I can trust. Why will no one help me?
Page 9 - I couldn't sleep last night. I was upset about Steve and really can't understand why no one will listen to me. And besides, it's so damn hot here I don't know how any of us CAN sleep! I decided to go for a swim to cool myself down and stayed in the water for the better part of an hour. And when I got back to my shelter, that's when I saw it! His shirt hanging from the drying branch on the tree right next to my shelter! If I'm crazy, then what the hell is his shirt doing there? I plan on speaking to Jack about it later and when he tries to hand me some nonsense excuse I'll show him the shirt! Let's see what he has to say about THAT!
He is so patronizing -- I can't stand it!
When I went to talk to Jack about Steve, he looked at me like he didn't have the time. How dare he -- does he think you have to have a medical degree or be on of the damn "leadership council" to have something worthwhile to discuss? But I told him that I
Page 10 - had proof, proof that Steve was really here and that I wasn't crazy. I made him touch the shirt -- he held it in his own hands, so how could I be making that up? And do you know what he did? He looked at me like he felt sorry for me! Then he said he had to get back to the hatch, but he wanted to meet me tonight -- he has something to show me. This has to be it. Hang in there, Steve! I'm coming!
Steve is dead.
Jack brought me to the place we call Boone Hill where we bury the people that die here. They were digging two more grave there for Ana Lucia and Libby. Jack sat me down and told me to look at the grave and try to remember. Try and remember the grave we dug for Steve a few days after we crashed. And after staring into that hole for a few moments, something switched on -- and I started to remember.
Page 11 - My brother died during the crash -- in the seat next to me. All I have left of him is his shirt. Jack helped me dig his grave on the beach. I didn't even know his name at the time. He helped me. I'm so sorry.
Oh, God -- I'm so, so sorry.
My name is Chris Dobson. And I write this in the hopes that someone -- someday -- will find it and get it to...I don't know.
I was a passenger on Oceanic Flight 815 that crashed on this island September 22, 2004. I was sitting next to my brother Steven, and I want people to know about him. To know what kind of man he was.
Steven was born on December 3, 1968. He was only two years older than me, but to me he was a giant. When I was in the fourth grade I got into a fight. I thought it would be fun. It wasn't.
Page 12 - And after I got punched in the back, all I could to is roll around on the ground and moan in pain. I was in trouble, and Steve knew it. He came flying in from the circle of boys watching and he gave the boy that hit me (I don't even remember his name) a real beating. He couldn't have been more than eight or nine years old, he didn't know how to fight. He just went on instinct. And saved me.
I took him on this trip to Australia to help cheer him up after his wife died. They don't have any kids. Didn't have any kids, I mean, but Steve took Elaine's death really hard and our parents were worried about him. It took a lot of convincing, but I finally got him to agree to come with me and we spent two weeks together touring the country. It was the most time I had spent with him in twenty years. We didn't talk about his wife. We just talked. REALLY talked for the first time in a long time. Maybe ever.
Page 13 - On one of our last nights, after a whole lot of beers, we were walking back to our hotel and my brother stopped me right there on the street. Before I could ask what was wrong, he just hugged me. And I hugged him back. And it was good. REALLY good.
When we got on the plane to come home, I got stuck with the middle seat. Steve must have seen the look on my face because he volunteered to switch seats with me and give me the aisle. Actually asked me for it! I know he didn't want the middle seat -- who does? But he did it for me.
Looking back it was all over in a few seconds, but it felt like a lot longer. When the plane broke apart a peice of the ceiling dropped down and crushed my brother. Right in his seat. I didn't even hear him scream or anything.
Steven Michael Dobson is buried on the windward beach of this island. If someone ever finds this
Page 14 - journal, please look for him there. And if you find him please bring him back home. He deserves that.
It was supposed to be my seat, you see? I should have been the one who to die. But Steve switched seats with me. And saved me. Again.